Growing love.

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I am grateful for days like today.  I woke up grumpy…i won’t lie.  I didn’t feel great, Des woke up early, Bekkett woke up early, and I was grumpy.  As I sat there waiting to go get Bekkett, I said to myself, “It is YOUR CHOICE whether today is going to be GREAT or miserable.”  And that was it.  I told Greg we weren’t going to the gym because I didn’t feel great, but as the kids and I were playing blocks together, I asked Bekkett if he wanted to go {of course he did} and that was that.  

We went to the gym and as soon as we walked out, the weather was BEAUTIFUL.  Bekkett has been asking to go to the park for a while now and so we decided to go.  Desi was SO tired, so she fell asleep on the way there.  Unbelievably, there were not other kids at the playground today.  So, we left the car parked close to us, rolled down the windows, and Bekkett and I ran around the playground, up and down the ladders, down the slides, across the monkey bars, playing tag, and just enjoying ourselves.  

We came home and had lunch, played more blocks, and then Bekkett was pooped.  We cleaned up his toys and I had planned to go and clean up the toys in Desi’s room, but he turned off the light and walked over to his bed and laid down.  He was SO ready for nap.  We spent extra time singing songs because sis was just playing around on the ground and so content.  As we sang, he held my hand and just watched me.  I watched his cute, little, tired yet perfect lips sing “I Am a Child of God”, “I love to see the temple”, “moon” {Skiddamarink}, and others.  My heart grew.

I got ready as Desi kept playing and then I got her bottle ready to go and snuggle her.  She drank her bottle and I gave her her binky.  As she sucked on her paci, she looked up into my eyes, and with her tiny little hand, she grabbed my cheek in her hand and she just looked into my eyes and smiled.  Smiled so big that the suction of her tongue came undone from her paci and it fell out.  She kept smiling at me and her eyes never left mine.  It seemed like our souls were connected at once and I could feel her love for me.  Although she has no ability to describe it, she showed me how much she loves me today.  

I am especially grateful for the CHOICE I made this morning to MAKE TODAY A GREAT DAY, or I probably wouldn’t have had these precious experiences with my two precious babies!  I love them more than my words will ever be able to express!  

GRATEFUL!

-M.

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Christmas time.

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This Christmas season has been so much fun!  Bekkett has been so cute, as we have seen Christmas lights, trees, Santa Claus, reindeer, etc.  But what steals my heart every single time is when he sees Baby Jesus in different nativities around town, and as he recognizes Jesus in grown up pictures, and still calls Him “Baby Jesus.”  He understands the important of Christ in our lives and it has been a huge blessing to witness it.  

Today, during naps, I was working, but as I was scanning FB (while my slow computer was thinking), I found THIS video.  I know it is 5 minutes, but just take a watch and see how you feel.  

My heart brimmed full and tears came to my eyes as I saw Mary holding Jesus.  At the time that the wise men found Jesus, He was no longer a baby, but He reminded me of my little boy.  I thought to myself, “How did Mary feel, being the mother of Jesus Christ?  Did she feel the same feelings of inadequacy as I do?”  I can’t imagine being Mary, but now, as a mother, it reminds me of one VERY important truth that I should remind myself each day.  My children are a son and a daughter of our Heavenly Father and Mother.

In the midst of the craziness of life, trying to teach them truth, how to choose the right, to stand up for good, to be nice, to share, and as I get so frustrated in small moments, I need to remind myself that they are each a special spirit son and daughter of Heavenly Father and I must always treat them as such.  

It is amazing how much the Christmas story comes to life and becomes real to me, being a mom.  My testimony has grown each day of this holiday season of the Christmas story and the meaning it has in my life gets deeper each day that I ponder it.  I am grateful that the Spirit has the ability to testify to my heart and help my belief and testimony grow stronger in each day.  

Although sometimes I complain about certain circumstances, I am so blessed!  I should never complain!

-M.

My Cup Runneth Over.

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A couple of weeks ago, I was getting ready for the day and I had a lot on my mind.  I had been thinking about conference, about Elder Uchtdorf’s talk about Doubting our doubts before Doubting our Faith.  I was thinking of having shared the gospel with people here and at home.  I was thinking about the First Vision of Joseph Smith, of his seeing Angel Moroni, Elijah, and many other resurrected beings.  I thought of logic and of how so many people in this world let their brain overcome what their heart can tell them is true.  My thought process was pretty much, “Well, no duh, people doubt these things.  Of course they do.  Logically, it doesn’t make sense.”  

As I was having this thought process, the song Bethlehem Skies by Dara Maclean came on Pandora.  Go turn it on and listen to it while you continue reading.

My next thought process was this, “There are millions and probably billions of people throughout the world who actually believe in Christ.  These people who believe in Christ believe that He was born of a virgin, that after He was born, He could perform many miracles in His day.  They believe that He was able to die on the cross for the sins of the world.  Most people who believe in Christ believe in Him because of the Bible.  So, they also believe the miracles that are recorded in the Old and New Testament.  They believe that Jonah was swallowed by a whale and spewed back onto shore.  They believe that Noah built an ark to escape the flood.  They believe that Moses parted a sea…yes, indeed, parted a SEA in order to save the children of Israel from the Egyptians.  They believe all of these miracles in the Old and New Testament.  Why not today?  With God being an unchanging God, why would He leave us, who are still His sons and daughters, in darkness.  Why would He cease to reveal His will to Prophets and Apostles today, leaving us to wander aimlessly through life.”

As I listened to that song, peace resonated in my soul.  My testimony of Christ burned ever brighter and I felt so lucky to be in that moment, to feel of the Spirit testifying to my soul that ALL of my thoughts were true.  Logically, NONE of it makes sense.  How can a baby be born of a virgin?  How can one man take upon Himself the sins of ALL mankind?  How could it be possible that the Prophets in the Old and New Testaments were able to perform miracles?  Could Joseph Smith REALLY see God the Father and His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ?  “How can these be true?”, asks logic?  For me, I don’t know HOW, but all I know is that my SOUL knows that it is true and that is what I rely on when logic tries to prove it wrong.  

All during church today, my eyes were “leaking”{term stolen from The Grinch, himself}.  I couldn’t stop crying.  My heart is so full of gratitude for this past year.  It has been one of the hardest years of my life.  Adjusting to a new home, struggling financially, praying that we can pay rent and put food on the table, trying to be a good {single} mom every other week, adjusting to a newborn with family so far away, actually BEING so far away from family, trying to understand a two{+} year old and TRYING to be PATIENT with him…

Through this all, I believe that I am a much better person for being here, for going through these struggles.  I am grateful for my testimony that has grown stronger than ever of a LOVING Father in Heaven who is keenly aware of my circumstances, who is also aware of WHO I AM and my capabilities, who understands how far He can stretch me, and who knows that I will turn to Him when I am uncomfortable.  

My cup runneth over, and I believe that is why “I am leaking.”  I am forever grateful!

-M.