Father time.

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This morning as I was getting ready to make breakfast, it was a quiet morning.  Most mornings Bekkett is right by my side, but he decided to rest in my bed watching “Georgie” while I started breakfast.  I was grateful for this quiet morning.  I turned on Pandora to some holiday music(left over from yesterday) and Mindy Gledhill’s “Little Soldier” came on immediately.  I most definitely did not expect this song to bring back a flood of memories, extreme gratitude to my heart, and a few tears down my cheeks.  

The song is so simple.  You can turn it on and listen to while reading by clicking HERE.  Lyrics here:
“Little Soldier”

Little soldier under the tree
Play a Christmas song for me
All the house is slumbering deep
But I have secrets I must keep

[Chorus:]
Father Time comes creeping in
We fight back but he will win
If I asked one Christmas wish then it would be
Soldier, could you win back time for me?

Little soldier, tap, tap your beat
I will stand on Daddy’s feet
We will dance as if I were ten
Even if it’s just pretend

[Chorus]

 
It seems like time just won’t slow down.  I don’t know why this distinct memory came to mind, but it did.  I remember the first or second Christmas after Kaylee had come to our family.  We were at mom and dad’s house for Christmas Eve, as usual and we had had a wonderful evening.  As the evening was drawing to a close, we couldn’t find Breton.  As we searched for him, I found him laying behind one of the couches and he was just crying.  I layed by him and we just snuggled for a minute and when I asked him what was wrong, his response was, “Why does everything have to change so much?”  We chatted a bit and I remember telling him that if time slowed down, we wouldn’t have the good things in life and the good changes that come with it.  I remember pointing out that we wouldn’t have Kaylee in our family if we didn’t have change.  
 
I thought of that memory and tears were streaming.  Sometimes I wish life didn’t bring so many changes, too.  I wished that time would slow down.  I wished that I could go back to childhood and remember dancing on daddio’s feet.  Lounging around on Sunday afternoons.  I wished I could go back to simplicity, when I didn’t have to worry about money, paying bills, cooking food.  As I thought that, I was also reminded that if time never passed and change didn’t happen, I wouldn’t have the two most incredible kiddos blessing my life every single day.  And that made even more tears come.  
 
Although I can’t change the fact that I can’t go back in time, I am grateful to be grounded in the present.  My gratitude of being a mom to Bekkett and Desi brims to overflowing.  There are times I get so frustrated and I wonder how I will make it through the moment.  But, luckily this week, I have had more experiences of gratitude for being a mom than frustrations, and for that I am truly grateful.  
 
With the time passing, it is so amazing to me to watch Bekkett learn new words, catch on to them so quickly, to start to make sentances, to speak words I didn’t even know he knew, to see him sharing with his sis and loving on her, to have him ask me if he can feed her any chance he can get, to see him interact with other children, to remind him to be soft with them, to see him develop in running, catching a ball, climbing on the jungle gym, sliding down the slides with him on cold windy days when no one else is at the park, to see him copy cat me, to have him ask me for a Norwex(like mother like son), to have him gaze out the window to see the birds, to have him help me walk the dogs, to hear him sing primary songs with me, to listen to him pray, to ask for the “church, God” song(I Am a Child of God), to hear him ask for “a baby deer” every time we go to SueSue’s house, to hear him say Santa Clause, Christmas, Jesus, to have him carry around a baby doll and give the baby so many loves, the list could go on all day.  
 
To see how much Desi loves her brother, gigles and kicks her feet every time she sees brother, to see her learning to sit up on her own, to watch her play with toys as she sits up, to see her learning to crawl {backwards for now}, to see her stick her tongue out as she plays, to watch the little wheels in her head turn as she looks around to see the world, to see her roll towards toys she wants to play with, to see her sleep and snuggle with me before she falls asleep, to see her bend over to eat her feet as she is sitting on the ground, to notice her looking at me from the other room, to see her walking in her walker, or playing in the jumparoo.  
 
These kids have my heart and there are moments that they steal it away again, every single day.  I am looking forward to these next couple of months, to the holidays and to see it through my own children’s eyes.  Mom always said that Christmas was even better as a parent.  I am just BEGINNING to see how true that is!  
 
I am thankful for those moments when time seems to stand still and I can just bask in the beauty of my life, but I am also grateful for the time passing, so that I can see my beautiful children grow and develop as they make memories that they will hold dear in 25 years.  
 
I am truly blessed.  My cup runneth over.
 
-M.
 
 
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