Suitcase.

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Here I am, when I should be sleeping and I am watching the Finale of SYTYCD…with tears are streaming down my face. Maybe this could be because of pregnancy hormones, or maybe it is legit.  You decide.

At the beginning of the finale opening number reminded me of how it might have been in 3 Nephi when all of the destruction happened to the America’s, then it made me think…that could be us in the near future.  Then, part of the way through, there is a clip of an LDS mother who tried out for the show.  It made me cry the first time I watched it and it made me cry again.  Then, it immediately goes to a dance that was choreographed earlier on in the season having to do with the Holocaust and getting the news that you get to pack one suitcase and it got me thinking….

 I have heard the proverbial question, “if your house was on fire and you had to pack a single suitcase, what would you choose?”  Unfortunately, I have had a time in my life where my house was on fire and we didn’t have time to pack a single suitcase of the things that we held most dear to us.  It was my worst fear as a child and it came true.  A few days after our house burnt down, my mom came to me and asked me why I thought I hadn’t had any horrible nightmares like I had before.  Now, lying in my bed tonight, 16 years later, it is all making sense to me. 

When I was little, the reason I feared my house burning down was because of THINGS.  Maybe I was afraid I wouldn’t be protected without a house, maybe I thought I wouldn’t be happy without my stuffed animals, my barbies, my toys, my books.  As a young girl, I didn’t yet understand that THINGS don’t matter.  Until that day that truly has changed my outlook on life forever.  

When my mom asked me why I hadn’t had any more nightmares, I looked at her and in wisdom beyond my years, I said, “Mom, we all got out.  We were all safe.”  I knew then, as I do now, that whatever I placed inside that suitcase would me NOTHING to me if there were any person in my family that did not make it out.  Things are just THINGS.  

BUT, as I sat here watching THIS dance, my mind started racing and I wondered, “What would I put in that suitcase that would last me forever.”  2 things came to mind.  

1:  A beautiful picture of my son’s newborn face.  Why?  I never want to forget the moment that I heard him cry for the first time and saw his cute chubby face and the way that I honestly FELT my heart CHANGE.  It changed within me and I knew my life would never be the same because HE was in my life.  

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2:  A precious photo of the day that I got to be SEALED to my husband for FOREVER.  Why?  It is obvious, but these 2 people have changed my universe.  The GIFT that I know that my family will be together FOREVER is the greatest gift I could have.  Gregory John Ostler has loved me perfectly for over 3 years now and I truly look forward to eternity with him.  

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If I had nothing else in my suitcase, this would be enough to get me through.  These two people will get me through whatever comes.  “Come what may and LOVE IT! “(-Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin) 

What would you pack in your suitcase?

-M.

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