Suitcase.

Aside

Here I am, when I should be sleeping and I am watching the Finale of SYTYCD…with tears are streaming down my face. Maybe this could be because of pregnancy hormones, or maybe it is legit.  You decide.

At the beginning of the finale opening number reminded me of how it might have been in 3 Nephi when all of the destruction happened to the America’s, then it made me think…that could be us in the near future.  Then, part of the way through, there is a clip of an LDS mother who tried out for the show.  It made me cry the first time I watched it and it made me cry again.  Then, it immediately goes to a dance that was choreographed earlier on in the season having to do with the Holocaust and getting the news that you get to pack one suitcase and it got me thinking….

 I have heard the proverbial question, “if your house was on fire and you had to pack a single suitcase, what would you choose?”  Unfortunately, I have had a time in my life where my house was on fire and we didn’t have time to pack a single suitcase of the things that we held most dear to us.  It was my worst fear as a child and it came true.  A few days after our house burnt down, my mom came to me and asked me why I thought I hadn’t had any horrible nightmares like I had before.  Now, lying in my bed tonight, 16 years later, it is all making sense to me. 

When I was little, the reason I feared my house burning down was because of THINGS.  Maybe I was afraid I wouldn’t be protected without a house, maybe I thought I wouldn’t be happy without my stuffed animals, my barbies, my toys, my books.  As a young girl, I didn’t yet understand that THINGS don’t matter.  Until that day that truly has changed my outlook on life forever.  

When my mom asked me why I hadn’t had any more nightmares, I looked at her and in wisdom beyond my years, I said, “Mom, we all got out.  We were all safe.”  I knew then, as I do now, that whatever I placed inside that suitcase would me NOTHING to me if there were any person in my family that did not make it out.  Things are just THINGS.  

BUT, as I sat here watching THIS dance, my mind started racing and I wondered, “What would I put in that suitcase that would last me forever.”  2 things came to mind.  

1:  A beautiful picture of my son’s newborn face.  Why?  I never want to forget the moment that I heard him cry for the first time and saw his cute chubby face and the way that I honestly FELT my heart CHANGE.  It changed within me and I knew my life would never be the same because HE was in my life.  

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2:  A precious photo of the day that I got to be SEALED to my husband for FOREVER.  Why?  It is obvious, but these 2 people have changed my universe.  The GIFT that I know that my family will be together FOREVER is the greatest gift I could have.  Gregory John Ostler has loved me perfectly for over 3 years now and I truly look forward to eternity with him.  

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If I had nothing else in my suitcase, this would be enough to get me through.  These two people will get me through whatever comes.  “Come what may and LOVE IT! “(-Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin) 

What would you pack in your suitcase?

-M.

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Suitcase.

Standard

Here I am, when I should be sleeping and I am watching the Finale of SYTYCD…with tears are streaming down my face. Maybe this could be because of pregnancy hormones, or maybe it is legit.  You decide.

At the beginning of the finale opening number reminded me of how it might have been in 3 Nephi when all of the destruction happened to the America’s, then it made me think…that could be us in the near future.  Then, part of the way through, there is a clip of an LDS mother who tried out for the show.  It made me cry the first time I watched it and it made me cry again.  Then, it immediately goes to a dance that was choreographed earlier on in the season having to do with the Holocaust and getting the news that you get to pack one suitcase and it got me thinking….

 I have heard the proverbial question, “if your house was on fire and you had to pack a single suitcase, what would you choose?”  Unfortunately, I have had a time in my life where my house was on fire and we didn’t have time to pack a single suitcase of the things that we held most dear to us.  It was my worst fear as a child and it came true.  A few days after our house burnt down, my mom came to me and asked me why I thought I hadn’t had any horrible nightmares like I had before.  Now, lying in my bed tonight, 16 years later, it is all making sense to me. 

When I was little, the reason I feared my house burning down was because of THINGS.  Maybe I was afraid I wouldn’t be protected without a house, maybe I thought I wouldn’t be happy without my stuffed animals, my barbies, my toys, my books.  As a young girl, I didn’t yet understand that THINGS don’t matter.  Until that day that truly has changed my outlook on life forever.  

When my mom asked me why I hadn’t had any more nightmares, I looked at her and in wisdom beyond my years, I said, “Mom, we all got out.  We were all safe.”  I knew then, as I do now, that whatever I placed inside that suitcase would me NOTHING to me if there were any person in my family that did not make it out.  Things are just THINGS.  

BUT, as I sat here watching THIS dance, my mind started racing and I wondered, “What would I put in that suitcase that would last me forever.”  2 things came to mind.  

1:  A beautiful picture of my son’s newborn face.  Why?  I never want to forget the moment that I heard him cry for the first time and saw his cute chubby face and the way that I honestly FELT my heart CHANGE.  It changed within me and I knew my life would never be the same because HE was in my life.  

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2:  A precious photo of the day that I got to be SEALED to my husband for FOREVER.  Why?  It is obvious, but these 2 people have changed my universe.  The GIFT that I know that my family will be together FOREVER is the greatest gift I could have.  Gregory John Ostler has loved me perfectly for over 3 years now and I truly look forward to eternity with him.  

Image

If I had nothing else in my suitcase, this would be enough to get me through.  These two people will get me through whatever comes.  “Come what may and LOVE IT! “(-Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin) 

What would you pack in your suitcase?

-M.

Suitcase.

Standard

Here I am, when I should be sleeping and I am watching the Finale of SYTYCD…with tears are streaming down my face. Maybe this could be because of pregnancy hormones, or maybe it is legit.  You decide.

At the beginning of the finale opening number reminded me of how it might have been in 3 Nephi when all of the destruction happened to the America’s, then it made me think…that could be us in the near future.  Then, part of the way through, there is a clip of an LDS mother who tried out for the show.  It made me cry the first time I watched it and it made me cry again.  Then, it immediately goes to a dance that was choreographed earlier on in the season having to do with the Holocaust and getting the news that you get to pack one suitcase and it got me thinking….

 I have heard the proverbial question, “if your house was on fire and you had to pack a single suitcase, what would you choose?”  Unfortunately, I have had a time in my life where my house was on fire and we didn’t have time to pack a single suitcase of the things that we held most dear to us.  It was my worst fear as a child and it came true.  A few days after our house burnt down, my mom came to me and asked me why I thought I hadn’t had any horrible nightmares like I had before.  Now, lying in my bed tonight, 16 years later, it is all making sense to me. 

When I was little, the reason I feared my house burning down was because of THINGS.  Maybe I was afraid I wouldn’t be protected without a house, maybe I thought I wouldn’t be happy without my stuffed animals, my barbies, my toys, my books.  As a young girl, I didn’t yet understand that THINGS don’t matter.  Until that day that truly has changed my outlook on life forever.  

When my mom asked me why I hadn’t had any more nightmares, I looked at her and in wisdom beyond my years, I said, “Mom, we all got out.  We were all safe.”  I knew then, as I do now, that whatever I placed inside that suitcase would me NOTHING to me if there were any person in my family that did not make it out.  Things are just THINGS.  

BUT, as I sat here watching THIS dance, my mind started racing and I wondered, “What would I put in that suitcase that would last me forever.”  2 things came to mind.  

1:  A beautiful picture of my son’s newborn face.  Why?  I never want to forget the moment that I heard him cry for the first time and saw his cute chubby face and the way that I honestly FELT my heart CHANGE.  It changed within me and I knew my life would never be the same because HE was in my life.  

Image

2:  A precious photo of the day that I got to be SEALED to my husband for FOREVER.  Why?  It is obvious, but these 2 people have changed my universe.  The GIFT that I know that my family will be together FOREVER is the greatest gift I could have.  Gregory John Ostler has loved me perfectly for over 3 years now and I truly look forward to eternity with him.  

Image

If I had nothing else in my suitcase, this would be enough to get me through.  These two people will get me through whatever comes.  “Come what may and LOVE IT! “(-Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin) 

What would you pack in your suitcase?

-M.

Conference Weekend.

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Conference weekend was so great!  We were in SL for part of it and then went to my parents house for Sunday morning Conference Crepes and the first session of conference.  We watched the second Sunday session at home and then went on a lazy stroll in the canyon to see the beautiful leaves.  Here are some photos from the great ANNOUNCING and CONFERENCE weekend!

 

Our favorite friend, the Polar Bear at Hogle Zoo.  He was eating breakfast the whole time we were there.  He is so magical, we just love him!

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This little guy…I could have watched him ALL DAY.  He was still so clumsy at a mere 2 weeks old and his mama just adored him!  It was quite precious to see!  He is definitely climbing the charts on the “favorite friends at the zoo” list.

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We went to KingsEnglish Bookstore and Bekkett loved touching EVERYTHING there.  He pulled ginormous books off the shelves on the way out of the kids section.  Haha!  Not the best place for him to hang out just yet.  But he LOVED this dog, as you can tell.

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While daddy and PopPop were at Priesthood, Grammy made dinner and let mommy relax.  She taught me how to have a Pots and Pans Kitchen Band.  Now guess what my favorite thing to do at home is :/

Sunday morning we were at Gram and Gramps and he kept head butting Alia in the sweetest way.  It was like he was trying to give her a kiss, but he just kept putting his forehead on hers.  Which is better than his usual “swing and a miss” at her every time he walks by.  Hahaha…hmmm…

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While watching conference, every time the choir sang, he would start leading the choir, which is funny because his usual reaction is one finger up and bouncing to any other music.  Maybe he will be our own little “Johann Sebastian Bach” someday?  Who knows.

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And our walk up the canyon.  It was so beautiful and we are going to do this more often, as long as mommy can hold up!

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This post was NOT supposed to be so long.  But, it was a wonderful weekend, if you couldn’t tell! 🙂  Until next time.

-M.

Baby Ostler #2 Announcement.

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This weekend we were THRILLED to announce to both of our families AND to the world that we will be welcoming baby #2 into the Ostler clan.  It has been a bit of a rough ride on this one, but we are so grateful to say that things are looking up.  

Since I know that mostly family reads this and those who aren’t REALLY family are pretty much my family, I wanted to share what has been going on.  When I was at 6 weeks, I started spotting and had called the doctor.  At about 8 weeks, they had me come in for an ultrasound to make sure all was well with the baby.  I was the only one there that day.  Heartbeat was strong and I could see little babies heartbeat and it was such a relief.  

Only 2 days later, I started bleeding very heavily and I was certain that I had miscarried.  We went in the next morning(Saturday) and there was no one that could do an ultrasound.  The nurse we talked to just told us to go home and take it easy and let my body run its course.  

Our hearts were broken.  As much as I tried to pretend that everything was ok, the emotions inside were real and sad, but I was grateful every day for Bekkett to keep me going.  I needed to be a happy mama for him and for me, at least I knew we had him.  

I continued bleeding pretty consistently for the next 3 weeks, which was heart breaking every single one of those days.  I was just ready to have it over with.  Well, just prior to finding out I was pregnant, I signed up for a 70 mile bike race that was swiftly approaching.  I was getting really uneasy about doing the race feeling the way I did and feeling like my body wasn’t up to par.  My friend whom I had signed up with recommended that I call the doctor (besides Greg and my sister and my mom and…..the list could go on).  Finally I knew it was time.  

I called on Friday morning, told them everything, told them I was supposed to do a race the next day and really needed to find out what was going on.  They got us in for an ultrasound that early afternoon and I guess I didn’t really know what to expect but I DID NOT expect to hear what I heard.  Greg and I went to the ultrasound, explained everything that had been going on and the second the ultrasound tech put the “wand” on my belly, there was baby bouncing around.  The first words were, “Baby looks GREAT!”  What?!  I am still pregnant?  How?  What is going on?  

He explained that I had a subchorionic separation, which means(from what I understand) that there is a small area of separation between my uterus and the placenta.  They don’t know what causes it in normal, non-drug doing, human beings, but after the baby makes it past 12-14 weeks, it means the baby is tolerating the separation well and that all should be good.  They will obviously continue to watch it and make sure it is healing.  They told me I could NOT do my bike race and that I needed to relax and lay low until I could get in to see my actual doctor on Monday.  After a day and a half of doing NOTHING, the bleeding had pretty much stopped.  

The doctor said I wasn’t on bed rest, but very limited activity aka I can do my chores at home.  It is kind of killing me.  B and I will make our rounds and go on short(around the block) walks, and even then I feel strained and can tell the difference.  So, I am trying to be a good girl so I can keep the baby safe and sound.  

So that is the story.  Some of you “knew we had miscarried” so I wanted to fill you in on where and how this all played out.  

We feel very blessed.  I kept telling myself, even while I thought I had miscarried, that whatever happened was the Lord’s will and that everything happened for a reason.  I feel very close to this baby and will do whatever I need to to help her/him get here safely.  

I am already feeling chubby and in the “cheeseburger” stage because I am LOVING sugar and can’t exercise, but I keep telling myself that it is my own fault and to stop eating so many candy corns.  

We pray that everything continues to go well and will keep you all updated as we go along.  Here is one of me right after we found out I was still pregnant.  

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